Saturday, May 4, 2013

50 Rules Kids Won't Learn In School...

I recently came across a book written by Charles J. Sykes. In it, he outlines some real-world advice for kids. It's definitely not the type of advice one would often hear from a teacher or even a parent. And although some of the statements may be deeply cynical, I think they do contain some real practical truths about the world we live in - a world that can at times be tough, and challenging and critical. Perhaps, our children do need some "tough lessons" at times to help get them through the complexities and obstacles of adult life in the future.  The question for me (and the real challenge), personally, is how to balance teaching my kids on the one hand to be idealistic, confident and have a no-limit attitude towards themselves and the world they live in, while on the other hand teaching them some practical realities of our world and society.

Here is what Charles Sykes writes in the preface of his book:

  "50 Rules began as a mere 10 rules that I used in a television commentary back in the mid-1990s; they grew to 12, and then 14.  Along the way, they took on a life of their own, especially after they were somehow attributed to Gates.  With that imprimatur, the original rules raced across cyberspace, showed up in thousands of emails and websites, were picked up by newspapers and an assorted collection of politicians and motivational speakers and commentators, including radio's Paul Harvey and advice columnist Ann Landers - all attributing the rules to the Master of Software. This was flattering and a bit exasperating.  I enjoyed the fact that so many found the rules valuable, but it was a mixed blessing when my own email box began to fill with the brilliant insights of Bill Gates. Eventually, the word got out that Gates was innocent of the deed and that the blame rested solely with a guy named Sykes. But how to account for the enduring appeal of the original rules, which survived being delinked from Gates?  I think it was because they were such a blunt contrast to the thumb-sucking feel-good infantilism that has become so common in American education and culture.  Previous generations thought it was their duty to prepare young people for the ups and downs of life as a matter of course and as an obligation.  There is a long and rich literary tradition of books giving sound, realistic advice to young people, written by people who thought it was their job to provide children with a guide to growing up, rather than to amuse and entertain them, or be their buddies.  Today, however, children can spend years in the company of credentialed goo-goos who not only miseducate them about the real world, but fail to give them the tools to make their way in it.  This book is intended as a counter-point: think of it as a user's manual for the real world".

And here are the 50 Rules:

1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. 
2. The real world won't care as much as your school does about your self-esteem. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. 
3. Sorry, you won't make sixty thousand dollars a year right out of high school. And you won't be a vice president or have a company car. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a designer label. 
4. You are not entitled... 
5. No matter what your daddy says, you are not a princess... 
6. No, you cannot be everything you dream... 
7. If you think our teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He won't have tenre, so he'll tend to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you FEEL about it. 
8. Your navel is not that interesting. Don't spend your life gazing at it. 
9. Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't. 
10. Life is actually more like dodgeball than your gym teacher thinks. 
11. After you graduate, you won't be competing against rivals who were raised to be wimps on the playground. 
12. Humiliation is a part of life. Deal with it. 
13. You're not going to the NBA, so hold off on the bling and spare us the attitude. 
14. Looking like a slut does not empower you. 
15. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. 
16. Your parents and your little brother are not as embarrassing as you think. What's embarrassing is ingratitude, rudeness, and sulkiness. 
17. Your parents weren't as boring before as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, driving you around, saving for your education, cleaning up your room, and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. 
18. Life is not divided into semesters. And you don't get summer off. more rules to follow... 
19. It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. 
20. Smoking does not make you look cool....It makes you look moronic. 
21. You're offended? So what? No, really. So what? 
22. You are not a victim. So stop whining. 
23. Someday you will have to grow up and actually move out of your parents' house. 
24. Batman's girlfriend is right: "It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you." 
25. Pi does not care what you think. 
26. A moral compass does not come as standard equipment. 
27. Your sexual organs were not meant to engage in higher-order thinking or decision making. 
28. Somebody may be watching... 
29. Learn to deal with hypocrisy. 
30. Zero tolerance = zero common sense. 
31. Naked people look different in real life. 
32. Television is not real life. 
33. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. 
34. Winners have a philosophy of life. So do losers. 
35. If your butt has its own zip code, it's not because McDonald's forced you to eat all those Big Macs. If you smoke, it's not Joe Camel's fault. 
36. You are not immortal. 
37. Being connected does not mean you aren't clueless. 
38. Look people in the eye when you meet them... 
39. People in black-and-white movies were in color in real life. And no, the world did not begin when you were born. 
40. Despite the billion-dollar campaign to turn your brain into tapioca pudding, try to learn to think clearly and logically. 
41. You are not the first and you are not the only one who has gone through what you are going through. 
42. Change the oil. 
43. Don't let the successes of others depress you. 
44. Your colleagues are not necessarily your friends, and your friends aren't your family. 
45. Grown-ups forget how scary it is to be your age. Just remember: this too shall pass. 
46. Check on the guinea pig in the basement. 
47. You are not perfect, and you don't have to be. 
48. Tell yourself the story of your life. Have a point. 
49. Don't forget to say thank you. 
50. Enjoy this while you can.